Yeah, so, I haven't been on livejournal for a while...lots has happened, I suppose...Gerry's birthday and the New Moon premeire, which I can talk about another post. I love the internet. Even if I don't get to see interviews of Gerry, for New Moon, etc etc..all I have to do is look for the interview and I find it right away...Just saw Gerry's interview with Jonathan Ross...at least on BBC America they showed it on tv last night..anyway, on to my top 35 guys, and maybe a reason or two why...let's see if I can think of that many! haha

1. Gerard Butler--duh, if you didn't know this was coming, you just haven't been paying attention at all! lol There's lots of reasons Gerry's first, pick one and run with it. lol
2. Leonardo DiCaprio--Before Gerry, it was all about Leo, so he's second
3. Robert Pattinson--yeah, I'm gonna have to go with him--he reminds me so much of Leo--it's like going back ten years, with an English accent, and musical ability. lol
4.Henry Cavill--I'm sure they'll be lots of foriegners on this list, and Henry's only the third one lol I picked him because everytime I see him on The Tudors, I automatically say "He's so cuuttee", spontaneously, of course haha
5. Tom Hardy--I loved Wuthering Heights, what can I say?
6. Alexander Skarsgard--After Gerry, of course, then Rob, lol, Alexander is my favorite vampire :)
7. Ryan Kwanten--again, with the accents already!
8. Eric Bana--I remember him in Troy...my first foray into foriegn actors, he actually made me not care about looking at Brad Pitt. lol
9. Olivier Martinez--the sexiest Frenchman on the planet haha
10. Jeffery Dean Morgan--because I loved him with an Irish accent in P.S. I Love You and even more as Denny in Grey's Anatomy
11. Justin Chambers--Speaking of Grey's Anatomy...I love how Justin in real life is the total opposite of Alex on the show lol
12. Eric Dane--before when he still had his goatee, he reminded me so much of Leo, I always had to take a second look at him to make sure he was someone else, even before I saw Grey's Anatomy lol
13. Clive Owen--his character in Closer was so hot to me, I can't explain it...
14.George Clooney--I've never even watched his movies, honest, well besides Ocean's 11, but in interviews, he reminds me so much of Gerry, that I have to add him to the list
15. Jonathan Rhys Meyers--you can't watch three seasons of The Tudors and not have a stray thought here or there about him...preferably something to do with Charles Brandon in the mix as well lol I also loved August Rush.
16. Tim Daly--I had such a major crush on him when I was younger lol
17. Julian McMahon--The main reason to watch Nip/Tuck
18. Daniel Sunjata--one of the many reasons to watch Rescue Me. :)
19. Channing Tatum--I'm looking forward to seeing the Dear John movie...
20. David Sutcliffe--Loved him as Christopher in Gilmore Girls

I'll come up with 15 more, I'm sure..but this was hard! lol

It matters! And I knew about the group...I need to get out more. hahaha I don't belong to it though, honest.



(Grr @ this video..the actual interview wouldn't play so I am stuck with this one...but it's the gist of what's said after the break...if you want to see it go to MTV.com)

I was innocently trying to check email and look and see what had to be done for school tomorrow night and I saw this blaring at me..well something Gerry says in this clip. I couldn't concentrate, but I got through it. lol All I'm gonna say is, someone should be having sex with Gerry! hahaha

I've had a totally busy day, apparently. Well, it really started last night. I spent time with my close friend last night until midnight because she was going to get married this morning. We laughed, we cried, and we had a really great conversation. I got home by 12:15am and then I stayed awake until 1:30am. My close friend wanted me at the chapel at 9:45am, so I slept until like 7am and I left and the traffic was so busy I was almost fifteen minutes late, but I didn't miss much. We went out to eat afterwards and I went back to her new house to talk. I told her I had to go grocery shopping, do laundry and find out what I had to have done for school tomorrow night. So I left. I came home and I started on my laundry. I went online to innocently look at the student website, and I came across the Alexa Chung headlines about Gerry. lol After I figured out the homework, I went downstairs and I slipped and fell on some water left on the tile floor! It scared the crap out of me! I scraped my right knee and my left foot and right foot, and now I have two big lumps on my right knee. This happened like at 4:45pm and two hours later I'm still shaking and my body is still in shock and I'm all lightheaded..yet I made it to the laptop. hahaha So that's what's new with me.

Speaking of "The Butler Did It," a couple of weeks ago, I was at Kmart and right now, with all the stuff going on with me, I can't remember why lol, but I was there, and I was looking at purses. There was this purse called "The Butler' and the tagline was "every woman needs a butler in their life." I laughed. Just thought I would share.

I'll never look at Beauty and the Beast the same! lol You are a beauty Gerbear! hehe



Ok, so this skit makes entirely no sense, with James Franco thrown in for no reason. Gerry, on the other hand, is hot despite the bad wig and goatee...and omg @ his tongue! hahaha



As always I love Gerry's accent. Hopefully he's never wasted all that on a prostitute...lol..and if he has I really don't want to know. rofl



Ok, if anyone could make cottage cheese sexy it's Gerry. lol And if I was Gerry's secretary not much would get done either...lol And I don't need to say he looks hot in the suit. :)



I always wanted to know what it would be like if Gerry was Braveheart. I swear, if he was American and not Scottish, what would they have to laugh about? I about died laughing when he used a British accent though. The still pictures are so cute!



Ok, I was staring at his arms the whole skit, but mischa8 said she stared at his hairy legs, so I had to look again. lol I'm still a little disappointed about Gerry's whole costume..haha


Yeah, I didn't add the alien one. lol I wanted to find the opening where he sang Music of the Night, but I couldn't find it. You can watch the whole episode on NBC.com of course.

So, of course I went to see Law Abiding Citizen last night. I went alone on purpose so I could concentrate on what I was thinking more than looking for my friends' reactions. I thought it was a very good movie. The only part that was hard to watch was the part he videotaped, other than that, I liked it.

I'm looking forward to seeing Saturday Night Live tonight.

I am doing well with my progress closer to the surgery. I've lost 7 pounds altogether so I only have three more to go. I have decided to see another doctor--the last one and I, well we didn't have an arguement, but I was fed up. So I'm seeing another one. Hopefully that doesn't mess up all my work so far. But I've been losing weight, like I said, since I made that decision. I don't believe my doctor really wanted me to have the surgery. That's fine, but it's my body. He doesn't have to live with the excess weight. I've been in therapy for about a month now, counseling I mean, and I've been talking about my feelings, and I have been noticing what triggers me and while I don't catch it every time, obviously I have noticed and I am losing weight because of it. It's more of a natural weight loss than anything else. I need to workout on a more regular basis. I don't know why I put it off so much. So that's my next hurdle to overcome.

I could talk about other stuff I guess, but that's what's new.

I was watching tv this morning and I came across The View. Heidi and Spenser are on and they are actually airing their problems in the bedroom to national/international tv. Heidi is a guest host, I guess, and the rest of the hosts are egg the talk of it on, like it is anyone's business but their own. Heidi seems like she's talking about it because they are being so forceful and want to talk about it. It's clear that they should be talking to a therapist about trust issues, but why is that anyone's business but their own? I really don't care if they have sex or not. It doesn't change my life, but it does change theirs. Even Amy Brennaman told her to keep her marriage private and separate from the media. Thank God someone told her and it was more of a reprimand than anything else.

Another opinion I had was of Kirk Cameron talking about 65% of college professors being either atheist or agnostic who promote evolution onto their students. I didn't realize that the percentage was so high, but I wouldn't dispute it with my own experiences of college professors in the past. Of course, Joy was all critical of what Kirk Cameron had to say. Whoopi was saying how these are college students who have the ability to figure out their own view of faith. I believe though, that college students are trying to break away from their parents' point of view and create or mutate their own ideas about faith and morals. Then you have the college professors who really want to have a forum, a platform, to talk about their views, which are usually agnostic, atheist, that's the truth and the combination is, I believe, the reason why there are so many young people who don't know what they believe.

I went to Catholic schools from the time I was little up until I went to college. I didn't know how blessed I was to have this kind of positive influence of faith in my life at such a young age. I didn't appreciate it until I went to college. It really shaped my faith, solidified it, and made me firm on what I believe about faith. When I went to college I know I had at least one argument with an English professor, the head of the English department no less, about why every piece of prose he assigned had something to do with sex, when I personally found other ideas in it. He basically told me I was wrong, and marked my papers down and I was livid. I told him I didn't realize that English was Math and could be correct or incorrect. I stood my ground and told him off in front of the whole class because I wasn't going to give into his liberal viewpoint that he forced opon all of us.

The years spent in Catholic schools gave me the strength to know that in my heart I was standing up for the morals and values that I believe. Not everyone is going to be a Christian, but if you are a Christian, please don't let what liberals say be the end all be all of the story. Put your views out there. Don't be afraid or ashamed. The media has become more and more liberal in its viewpoints but don't let it lessen your resolve.

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox for now.

Ok, so, it's not perfect, but I feel better. I created a Wuthering Heights banner. It's not great, but it will satisfy me for a while. lol

There's a guy in my class that I like. I think he knows, and he seems to make sure he talks about how single and cute he is during breaks. I guess that sounds kind of arrogant on his part, typed out here, but it's kind of cute in real life. I pretty much think he knows because he keeps mentioning these things. As I've said before, I'm not the type of person to say something, as my friends like mischa8 know, so most likely the next two weeks will come and go and nothing will happen. I just wanted to type that out somewhere. I can't really say that on facebook, because there would be too many questions. Oh, and I had to give a presentation tonight in class, and of course, I had to stand right next to where he was sitting. lol I know it's nothing, but I thought I would say it somewhere. He'll never know for sure. lol

I guess the real reason I'm irritated is because 'the German' is giving me the silent treatment. It's always been off and on with him. One day, it's all great and wonderful, and everything seems like there's a future in store, and the next he is being silent and I don't know what's going on in his head. I'll admit, half the time I'm not sure if it's the language barrier, or if he really is being silent. He speaks English and understands English very well. I go back and forth with what I want to do with him. I've known him for about a year and a half, and there are days when he seems to be very interested in visiting me, etc, etc, and then absolutely nothing! I have him on my facebook profile. If I delete him, then he's chasing after me wondering what's gone wrong, but if I keep him there, he's barely speaking to me. It's very frustrating.

Before you say just block him, my therapist told me I never let men into my life, on purpose. It's true, I usually tell them to go to hell before a relationship gets started. But, with 'the German' I have really tried, I mean really, tried to make it work. Almost to the point where I'm like, "why am I even trying?" Then when I do delete him, and cut him off, that's when he tells me he's all invested in whatever this is that we have. It's so aggravating! I have my best friend telling me to just give him a chance, but I wanted to tell him to go to hell a long time ago. It's my trademark. I'd like to believe I could let one man in, the man that counts, but this just isn't working for me. There is a part in me that wants to see what happens, but if he's not as invested as I am, then what's the point?

I kind of want to cut my losses, but then I think it's been a year and a half, and what happens to all that time? Does it just dissappear? I'm tired of men that don't follow through and don't know what they want. 'The German' reminds me of another guy in my life, another on and off relationship that wasted 8 years of my life, (who happens to be married for almost 4 years now, with a kid) so I must be doing something to attract this type of guy, right? I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I want a man that knows exactly what he wants, where he wants to be in five years, and follows through on what he says. Follow through is big for me. It's a big request. I'm tired of settling.

I guess I've answered my own question, but it still hurts my feelings. My therapist says the reason why I don't have anyone worthy of being in my life is because I run away before they hurt me, because I'm afraid of rejection. I don't believe I deserve better. It's true I make guys jump through hoops to prove that they care about me, and usually guys give up on the idea of a relationship with me because I make it so hard to get through my wall I have built around me. I have to change that.

I also think there is something to be said of 'the German' as well. He's in Germany. We joke that he's 6,500 miles away. I think there is a reason for that. I used to, as of yesterday, be signed up for various singles websites, including EHarmony. Whenever they find someone in my town or close to my town, immediately there is something wrong with them, and I usually close the match. Coincidence? I'm not so sure anymore. I believe that 'the German' is a long shot. Not only is he 6,500 miles away, I met him online, which is known to have issues. I do have questions about him, and I'm not entirely sure that if he moved here, for me, if I would have issues with him too. I have issues with him already, so him being here would probably just intensify it.

I think I want to have a relationship with someone in town. I guess that's a funny statement. But how do you have a relationship with a man when for years you've built up a wall around yourself not to get hurt? I shut down guys before they even get started. It's my habit. As it was, the guy I had an off and on relationship with had to really convince me that he wanted to spend time with me. He wanted more than what I could give. I think he gave up in the end because he knew I wasn't ready to let him in to his life fully by being his wife.

I love the idea of sharing my life with someone. I realize it will never be perfect; there will always be issues involved; that's human nature. I am coming to a point where all my defense mechanisms I have used over the years to keep myself from pain and rejection have worked too well, and now I am lonely from my own devices. Maybe that's one reason I love Gerry. Gerry can always be perfect and he can't hurt me, not really. I'm tired of being alone. I have a fear that is really unfinished thoughts. Like my therapist said yesterday, "Fear is only about the future. Even if I have a gun to your head, you're scared about what's going to happen next. You aren't afraid of the present."

I don't know how to let down the wall I've had up for at least 22 years.

On the upside, it's a beautiful autumn day today. lol

Since I saw the 2009 version of Wuthering Heights, I have been trying to find a banner or something, anything, that I could find to put on my journal. Absolutely nothing! I'm getting a little irritated at this point, to tell the truth. Yes, I have graphics programs, two in fact, but really, I don't have time or the patience to come up with something for myself. I guess that's my own sob story. I've seen the 1992 version and while it's still very good, it's just not the same. lol Sigh.

I was watching RocknRolla yesterday, and I reminded myself that I thought the guy who played "Handsome Bob," Tom Hardy, was in fact actually handsome. He's not Gerry of course, but we've gone over this already. I looked on YouTube and I found he is in a new version of Wuthering Heights as Heathcliff. Tell me if you stare at his lips. lol I guess it's a television special in the UK, but hey it's really good. I've always wanted to read the book, but I could never get past the first couple of pages because it's so dark and broody. Actually it reminds me a lot of Phantom of the Opera. I might actually pick up the book now that I understand the characters better. Enjoy!




Oh, I almost forgot, since I have wonderful friends who actually know how to design layouts, can you make me a layout based on this version of Wuthering Heights? Think of it as a late birthday present. lol :)

OMFG @ Craig Ferguson's aligator puppet..he's freakin' hillairous, but no news there. :)

Yeah, I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with school, and the gym mainly. I've got a personal trainer, and she's trying to kick my ass, literally. The first day she asked if I wanted her to channel Jillian Michaels, to which I said, "No, you dont need to yell and scream at me..positive reinforcement is good." She was funny when she said that men hate the angry face because it emasculates them. lol That first session I actually tossed my cookies..yeah she's hardcore. Now she's added me to her friend list on Facebook. She's good. As I found out, I literally had the chip bag in my hand, on Monday night, Labor Day, and I had to tell my neices, "Oh, I guess I should put these down." rofl She means business. I pay her the big bucks to mean business, so really I mean business, but you know what I mean. lol Everytime I workout with her, lifting weights, I always think of Gerry training for 300..yeah, I my brain always comes back to Gerry. lol Last night I swam laps in the gym pool. I don't know how many calories I burned, but I was proud of myself especially since I had a long day on my feet at work.

This morning I woke up congested and I have had a fever ever since. I was supposed to go to "Booty Boot Camp" this evening, but decided against it. I've been to the class before, my trainer leads it, and it's hard as hard as it sounds. lol It takes a lot to be a fit person, I'm learning. My trainer did turn me on to protein shakes, for after my workout to replenish my muscles, at least that's what she claims, and it seems to be helping. So it's a tip if you're lifting weights on a regular basis.

Some of you on my f-list are looking to lose weight and tone up, my suggestion to anyone trying to be more motivated is to sign up at SparkPeople. It's completely free, and they have a food tracker, cardio and weight tracker and tons of other members who are looking to meet the same goals you are. It's helped me.

My birthday is September 20th and I'll be 32 years old. Now I understand why people don't like their birthdays anymore. I'm starting to feel old. lol Maybe in a couple of months I'll be a hot 32 year old now that I have a trainer...positive thinking. lol

Oh! I saw Gamer..loved Gerry, of course, but I didn't really like the movie. I found it mildly intriguing to see Gerry's character killing the character who is on Dexter. He's a whack job on that show. lol

Oh, I'm on episode 9 of season three of Grey's Anatomy. Eric Dane totally looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. Have I said this before? I feel like I've said this before. lol So I have the rest of season 3 and all of season 4 before it starts on what? September 16th? I hope I can do it. lol Oh, I love Kate Walsh by the way. She's making me rethink having the red hair again. She's so pretty. lol

Sigh, I love Gerry.

I'm moving August 1st! I found a great, modern, completely new apartment for a great price, so I'm going to take it. I've been looking around for a while now, and it's such a great price for a luxury apartment in a safe part of town that I'm just going to go ahead and do it! I'm so excited! I think I'm going to adopt a kitten too, but first I have to move in. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers..if you do that. lol

As you can tell, I just got back home from watching The Ugly Truth. What did I think, you ask? First of all, it was really funny. I really liked it. Although, I did spend the entire two hours saying, "OMG Gerry, you did not just say that!" I couldn't stop laughing. I always knew he had those jokes somewhere inside him, and I figured one day I'd see that side, but wow, I didn't know how to take it! lol Very funny, but the things that came out of his mouth! lol There was one scene, which I'm not going to say, that I practically blushed because he could have been talking about me..I'm not going to say which scene, because you have to pay for the ticket...yeah, that's right. You don't want my commentary. *wink wink* But it was so funny! When they said he stayed vulgar the entire time they were shooting the movie...it made me wonder what else came out of his potty mouth! lol I was practically crying, I was laughing so hard. lol

I think Gerry has finally gone to the other side, if you know what I mean. I think he's finally crossed over into Hollywood like everyone else. I loved the early years when he was a special little secret, a diamond in the rough, but he's really worked hard, and I think he may have just crossed over into being a popular leading man. He's been a leading man in my eyes for over four years now, but  I think the rest of the world is finally catching up. Everyone from work and even my friends have said, "Yeah, your Gerry is very cute!" To which I'm like, "I've been saying that for almost five years! You just noticed it now?" lol He doesn't need his tight knit group of fans now...I guess those days are over. I'm glad that he let us all in when he didn't have to...he's on to bigger and better just like the rest of them.(This is where he's supposed to say, "Of course, I'll never forget my wonderful fans"..just a suggestion lol)  I'm so happy for him, and proud. I guess I've said that before. I feel like he's now graduated high school or something... from kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, to high school and now he doesn't need the support he once did. He's off on his own now. Well, not really, but that's the kind of feeling I'm feeling right now. Kind of bittersweet. Estatic he's achieving his goals and dreams...for him, and a little, I don't know if I would call it sad personally, but, a little lost, I guess. Just weird.

Older fans would get this reference...throughout the whole five seconds of the salsa dancing, I flashed back in my mind to that other dance...when he wasn't so famous. Although, he made it look like salsa dancing with him would be so much fun! Sigh.

When he came back, the look on his face...I said softly.."if you cry, I'm going to." He didn't but there was a moment when I "awed" him. I didn't cry, but if he did, I would have started. lol

My Gerbear is a full-fledged movie star. Makes me want to cry, in a good way. :)

I'm finally finished with my part of the team paper for my organizational behavior class this week. We had to create an organization using at least one of five theories the teacher suggested and apply them to an administration staff, production workers, and salespeople. It has to be 1400 to 2100 words, but there are five of us, and we tend to overwrite so all we need is 280 to 460 each, I think. I hope so. lol I wrote 474 words and then I gave up. lol One of my team members, who is formatting the final draft, really has a handle on all of the theories. I know and understand them, but she took an organizational psychology class a couple of classes ago so it is all still fresh in her mind. ( The one benefit from teams is I've probably learned more from my teammate than I have from the teacher..who is a organizational management psychologist btw....that's sad isn't it? lol ) What the difference between organizational behavior and organizational psychology I'll never know. When I told people my next class was organizational behavior, they looked at me strange and asked me what it was. I know how to explain it now...the management of organizations using behavior theories, but I'm not even a management major technically. I'm getting my degree in human resources managment, which is just down the road from what I really want, a master's in counselling. The last three and a half weeks I have felt more like Bill Gates than Dr Drew, truthfully.  So, what have we learned today, children? Gerard Butler fans are educated as well as sexy and beautiful. I had to go there. Positive reinforcement. lol

Something I learned this week: Lexus has designed the buttons of it's cars to be able to be used with acrylic nails. Interesting, huh? Impress your friends. lol

It's obvious I can't wait until Friday, isn't it? My friends are going to see The Ugly Truth without me..well at least some of them. THEN, get this, they said they didn't know I was going to see it. I almost died laughing. At least my best friend knows better. lol Geez.

Ok, off to watch Craig Ferguson, my second favorite Scotsman. :) 

I finished my first class last night and next week on Wednesday night I start my next one. It will be about "Organizational Behavior." I am surprised that the five weeks of class went by so quickly, you would think that it would be longer. So that's what's new with school.

I have been on eHarmony for about three months and I met a guy in the last, I don't know, week and a half? We'll call him Surfer Boy, since he's in California. We seem to have a lot in common. It's really kind of weird, actually. I have been recieving a lot of communication recently, from men on eHarmony. I've noticed too that the men that they are matching me with now have way more in common with me than when I first began. Maybe by trial and error and the 'close match' button, they've learned what I sort of like. I could stop with Surfer Boy actually. He's a practicing Catholic, wants a woman who is practicing too, he's really funny, and kind, and has character, and is understanding. We both write books to each other when we email. I have a very good feeling about him, if I didn't I wouldn't be mentioning him. So keep me in your good thoughts and prayers, will you? It would be awesome to meet someone that compatible with me.

You know when you see the eHarmony commercial come on tv, and you want to gag they are so happy? I'm not so nauseated by that commercial anymore. lol

Well, our group finally started to say, "hey, we actually have to finish this project," and started emailing each other. Gee, you think? Then one delegated resposibility, which I'm grateful for; I know I tried. Then I realized that the question I had to answer had twelve parts! So I still ended up with the majority of the work. I passed along the responsibility of typing the paper and working on the power point to someone else. When they see how much work I had to put in to just answering the question--three single spaced pages later--they will understand that one of them should pick up the slack. The rest just had one maybe two paragraphs. I don't know how I got stuck with the heavy load, but I did. The upside though is, I learned a lot, and I realized just how much I want to be a therapist to help others. So that was the plus. I still have a little bit more on my individual projects tomorrow, but nothing like the work of last week. So things are evening out.

I made it through my first week of class! Just barely, but I did it. Go me.

This week, due on Wednesday night, we have to do two individual projects and one group one. That's why I'm posting. We have to watch When a Man Loves a Woman. My group has to analyze the kids and answer questions. We have to give a presentation as well. The plan was to meet up this afternoon at a library, but I was the only one to show up. One is on vacation, one had a sinus infection, and the other never gave a reason. It's due on Wednesday night! It's very frustrating. Then, the one who had a cold said she didn't go because of that cold and she wanted notes, the thing I was thinking was: "if you expect me to earn your degree for you, you're nuts." This is the same person who last week contributed all of two sentances to the group project. I actually wrote/typed our project, and while I used what the other woman in our group contributed as well, it took a lot of time, and work. I asked this person if she liked her individual project, she basically shrugged me off and said, "Oh, I got that done days ago."  I can tell you why she finished it days ago; she was barely involved in the group project! I'm not going to let her do that again, and the teacher will hear from me about it if she tries to claim my work as her own and she gives as much effort as she did last week.

While I was at Blockbuster I rented Revolutionary Road, and the rest of season one of TrueBlood. Hopefully it will spark some interest in the series. I guess the actor who plays Bill is British. I'd much rather hear his real accent than the fake one.

I was on facebook like fifteen minutes ago. I searched a guy I used to know. He was there, smiling back at me. We were always close friends, and then he moved away for college and now he's back in town, has been for a while. We both seemingly moved on, well, he did at least. When I was friends with him, he was the one guy I wasn't reading into. Women understand this. But, I really took what he said at face value, and didn't look any farther. Now, as I look back, well for a couple of years now, I wonder if he did think of me as more than a friend. Not that it matters now, but I miss having him in my life. I am doing a lot to change my life right now, and I wonder, when all the changes finally start appearing on the outside, if he'll find out about it. The thing is, I always wonder about this guy. When I knew him, he could never keep a relationship longer than two months, and he's a great catch, not just a biased opinon either. He wanted a long term relationship, or so he said, but he never seemed to have one. I've talked to him on and off for years now, and he's never had anyone that significant in his life. It just seems strange that he's never been in a serious relationship, not really. And I know what you must be thinking, he's not gay. I'm pretty clear on that, at least I think I am. lol He would have told me, I believe. He was my best friend at one point, and we told each other everything. I miss him so much. I don't know what to do with it. I mean, I've tried to move on and not let it get to me, but there will always be feelings there. I don't know if they are romantic feelings; I just always felt taken care of around him. I miss him, but I don't know how to tell him. I'll have to wait and see, I guess. I didn't know how good I had it until he slowly faded away from my life.